Why is this important?
A long time ago I had a Japanese boyfriend and many people used to ask me if communication was a problem. I didn't speak Japanese when we first met, so all communication was done in English. What people meant when they asked me this was not so much the problem of language as such, but whether the cultural barriers caused a problem for communication between us. They did, and the language difference was not always easy.
However, the thing I learned most from this experience was that all this can be overcome when you have two people who really want to communicate and understand each other. We really listened to each other and actually deeply thought about what the other had said and what they wanted to say, which is not always the same thing with any language combination.
I realized that I had taken a lot for granted, language-wise, in previous relationships. I'm talking about same language and culture relationships. A lot of assumption happens; we presume to know what the other person is saying and we do not listen so carefully when they speak. We will sit and watch TV or think about something else entirely when people talk to us and just guess at their meaning, such as, 'I would react like this in a certain situation so they must mean that they have reacted in the same way' without really listening to know that in fact the person has reacted in a subtle, yet different way.
So, with my Japanese boyfriend, I appreciated the listening and understanding, being listened to and being understood experience. Therefore, I was never bothered by what other people saw as a problem. This type of open, sincere and non-judgmental communication that we had was a very valuable and welcome lesson. Of course, this is a lesson that can be extended to all relationships in life, not just romantic ones. The pitfalls, problems and necessities are the same.
Communication is, basically, the process of sharing information, thoughts and ideas between people through speaking, writing or body-language. To communicate effectively, the 'content' that has to be transmitted to others is required to be received and understood in the same way as it was intended to be. The important goals of, for example, creating a common perception, changing behaviour or acquiring information, all really need to be done effectively to avoid misunderstanding and possible conflict. Of course, this is greatly aided if there is desire on the part of both parties to communicate well and effectively. I am sure that everyone reading this has been in the situation of talking to an unreceptive party, in which there was a need to communicate an idea, thought or concept and it was like talking to a brick wall; emotional barriers were up or simply the idea was too much for the other person to comprehend and it just didn't go in or the other person didn't want to let the idea in. It is an incredibly frustrating experience but there are many methods and tricks for dealing with situations like these to open up the possibility of effective communication which I will talk about in later blogs.
Today, I want to focus on situations in which both parties are open to communication and the only need is to do it effectively.
There are various parts to the communication process which need to be considered; the components, the context, body language, interference and active listening. I will talk about them one at a time.
It is a good idea to consider the components of communication, which is, what is involved in the process of communicating. Someone explained these to me by way of a loop analogy; The act of communication begins with an internal processing about the information or feelings that you want to share with someone: this is the 'encoding'. After this, the message is sent to the other person through either spoken or written words. Then, at the other side of the communication is the receiving and interpreting of what has been sent: this is the 'decoding'. The recipient can and should confirm receipt of the message to the sender by some form of feedback or summary, thereby closing the communication loop. It is important always to remember that communication is always two-sided - the speaker and the listener both of whom have an important part to play.
The importance of considering the context, in which the communication will occur, is that it greatly improves the effectiveness of communication. By considering who your listener is enables the speaker to choose appropriate vocabulary to suit the situation and recipient. To give an exaggerated example to illustrate my point, it would be silly to go into kindergarten to teach a group of toddlers using the same vocabulary and mannerisms that you would use with University students. However, there are situations where more sublety is needed, for example, it is necessary to think about regional or cultural differences, sex, language, intellectual level, experience and so on of the recipients and formulate your language accordingly. I mentioned in a previous blog about doing business presentations abroad and illustrated the problems of not adjusting the language to a foreign audience where English was a second language.
Body Language is, especially in the English-speaking world, very under-rated. However, this non-verbal form of communication which includes posture, position of hands and arms, eye contact and facial expression is even more important than the spoken word. Our minds, subconsciously, put more importance on the interpretation of this than a lot of us realize. Look at these statistics to prove it :- Communication is 7% Words, 38% Tonality; which is how you say these words, for instance emphasis but 55% Body Language; which is what your body is expressing whilst you are saying these words. Simply, body language that is in tune with the verbal content improves understanding. Conversely, inconsistent body language confuses the listener about the real intent of the message. It could, in fact, be transmitting an entirely different and contradictory message. For example, a boss to a subordinate, "I really want to hear your opinion on this." said with arms folded tightly across the chest, or whilst texting a message on his mobile or whilst looking out the window. The body language is entirely incongruous to the spoken message and so the message received would probably be more influenced by the body language than by the words used. To communicate effectively, the content of the message and the body language need to be giving the same message.
Emotions play an important role in communication as emotions interfere with the effectiveness of our communication. Anger, for example, negatively affects both sides' ability to send and receive effective messages. Strong emotions act as walls or filters and facilitate the misinterpretation of what was intended. Therefore it is essential to consider possible emotions and barriers; both language and conceptual before embarking on communication.
Effective communication is a reciprocal process that includes the listener. This is very often forgotten in many cultures. In the Western world the emphasis of communication is usually on the speaker to make himself understood, and so it is necessary to elicit questions from the listeners to check if they have, in fact, understood. In Japan, however, the listener has responsibility to understand the speaker, but there is no culture of question-asking as this would infer that the speaker was not doing a good job. Neither way encourages the idea of active-listening. Successful listening requires eye contact, objective-processing and feedback to the speaker. Active-listening involves asking questions to clarify points, restating what you have heard to assure that the intent of the message sent has been correctly received. This is particularly important when the communication involves emotional content.
We can only really begin to communicate effectively when we consider all these different elements. It would be wonderful if we always used effective communication in all circumstances, but unfortunately a lot of people in a lot of situations just don't have the time to sit down and consider all of these factors before they speak. Having said that, once you start to consider these points, it becomes easier to get into the habit. It will not happen all at once, but little by little it is possible to notice a change in tone of the conversations. Mainly, people consider effective communication in a business-setting to start with. Especially with issues such as how can I get my message across in the best way, how can I get the best from my subordinates, how can I negotiate with the team visiting from abroad with whom I need to renew the important contract.
In general, how can I make the most of myself and get the best from every situation, not just for myself but for all members of the conversation. It is the realization that communication is a mutually beneficial experience and once this realization occurs the effectiveness of communication improves immensely.
